2009: Resolutions, Plans, Changes, etc.

As 2008 drew to a close, I spent some time reflecting on the many changes I've gone through -- both personal and professional -- over the past several years. A schizophrenic period (to say the least) that found me bidding a bitter farewell to corporate America and the many years I spent whoring myself in the financial sector -- a series of middle-management positions that were soul-numbing and pointless. Yes, the money was great, but my entire existence was built on a foundation of dishonesty and self-betrayal. 

Things began to change when I started the blog, and I soon found myself immersed in a world that was the antithesis of the corporate mindset. I began to meet fellow travelers, both in person and via email, several of whom have gone on to become close friends. Opportunities began to arise -- invitations to speak on panels, or contribute to symposiums, as well as offers to write elsewhere -- all of which I was immensely grateful for. Hell, if it wasn't for the blog there's no way I would have been filmed for the upcoming Synecdoche, New York DVD.

Yet in the past year or so I've felt a gradual souring in the blogosphere -- a sense of aggression and competitiveness that I hadn't felt before. It's as if there's a race to see who can churn out the first words on a particular film. The now infamous live-blogging of the Indiana Jones film from Cannes was just one of the many lowlights of 2008, and at this year's New York Film Festival press screenings I was dumbstruck by the number of people who would race to their laptops before the end credits had finished rolling.

In the world of paid blogging, things are even worse. There is incredible pressure to maximize hit counts, and the fallout of this is that many sites have adapted a quantity over quality model. There's also been a rise of faux-contrarian and/or narcissistic posts geared to generate controversy and oodles of angry comments. The end result being that it's become increasingly difficult for me to find the motivation to go on.

Thoughts of putting the blog to rest filled my head, and for a while it seemed like the wise thing to do. I kept starting posts that I'd never finish -- mostly on awful Hollywood films. I came to realize the futility in those exercises -- other than catharsis, what purpose does it serve to rail against the screenwriting crimes of Eric Roth, or Sam Mendes' homicidal act on Richard Yates masterwork? These films will continue to get made, and seen by millions. Do I really need, or want, to be just another voice amongst the throng -- writing about crap films that hundreds have already weighed in on?

A few things happened in December that changed my outlook. First, there was the debut post from friend and Benten partner Aaron Hillis over at GreenCine.com, which he has been asked to helm now that David Hudson has moved on to IFC. There are some inspiring words contained within, and it served to remind me why I started this site in the first place. The second incident occurred right before the year's end -- a handful of stimulating conversations at an old-timey Brooklyn watering hole with some of New York's finest film-folks. It was during my 3:00AM walk home in sub-zero weather that I decided to persevere, and at the same time to simplify.

Step one is to heavily prune my RSS list. The old faces and places will remain, as will some more recent discoveries, but there's a lot of fat to be trimmed. I'm also going to make a stronger effort to be more participatory, and not shy away from epic threads on other sites as I've done in the past. As for this site, I'm going to return to my roots, as it were, and make an effort to concentrate on films that aren't being done to death everywhere else. I'm going to dig deeper into the 60s and 70s, as well as pay closer attention to Asian cinema, which I've admittedly been lax about for quite some time. (The timing of today's news from the Berlinale seems fortuitous.) I'll use the Tumblr blog to post clips, posters images, and other ephemera. I'm also considering taking a stab at video essays, as I've become very inspired by the work of Kevin Lee.

Oh, and...yes, the quiz will go on.

As Emily Watson said to Adam Sandler at the end of Punch Drunk Love, "Well, here we go."

Comments

[Al Wirtes]

Seems like a good time to say "thanks" for this blog. I enjoy great films -- and this blog has turned me on to many.

You speak of a souring in the community. But it seems to me that film inspires a reaction in the viewer that is completely separate from the community. Film isn't social. It is a personal communication between the auteur and the viewer. The community is just a bunch of chaff. The community can popularize great art just as well as it can legitimatize crap.

To me, your blog has been about one guy's personal reactions to great art. All else is distraction -- petty, inconsequential and unworthy.

Thanks for deciding to keep up the good work.

[Steve]

Well, how much the antiquated poet am I? I don't know what RSS stands for...

Glad you're hanging around. enjoy your work and prize the website as one of the few film sites I will always look to for interesting viewpoints.

[KCarcamo]

I would also love to voice how happy I am to know that you will be sticking to blogging. Your blog has become a staple in my life. I would have been saddened to see it go. Here is to one day winning all your quizes!

[matt]

Glad to know you're rejuvinated and re-focused. You write a fine blog. Good luck with the next chapter.

[MovieMan0283]

You've been interviewed for the Synecdoche DVD? Congratulations - I just saw the movie and though my thoughts on it have not yet popped up on my blog (I'll probably wait till I've seen it a second time, hopefully within the week) it was certainly the most compelling 2008 film I saw.

As for blogging, having just jumped into the fray six months ago, I haven't noticed some of the tendencies you point out. I think another reason is that I generally eschew professional blogs, blogs which focus on new releases, and blogs which trade primarily in smug snark. Even the well-written but au courant-obsessed Spout Blog got tiresome for me after a while, and I haven't visited it in months.

As Glenn Kenny put it on his excellent site, why bother (in terms of slavishly following the film industry's and mainstream media's lead, and in terms of obsessing over whatever quickly-to-be-forgotten meme has seized the popular mindset for the moment)?

I've found that the best way to avoid vapidity and the poisonous self-satisfaction of contemporary pop culture is to ignore it. It's kind of like a bratty child, feeding off even the most negative attention.

Keep up the good work - and I hope sometime in the near future there will be a quiz which I can theoretically win!

[Angelo]

I just wanted to say thank you. Your film site is one of two that I go to regularly - the other being Criterion. When I read your posts I feel as if I am back in the heyday of Truffaut and the Chahiers du Cinema - where film and what film is trying to say actually matters. I'm glad you didn't quit. As for the shark-like bloggers rushing to comment on the latest travesty by the likes of Mendes and company - remember what Charles MacArthur said to his son about responding to critics: "Son, never get into a peeing contest with skunks." You don't need to race with that crowd, you are far above anything they put out.

[logboy]

I too felt there was more infighting - and it's hard to see even if you're an involved blogger - and unnecessary ill-considered playing directly into and willfully out of the potential audiences tastes... trying to generate buzz for sites by not being single-minded or balanced, considered and evidentally clever, but by being fast, furious and often just offering to hold peoples hands or simply pulling away, knowingly lifting the rug along with it. I don't regret giving up regularly blogging a year ago (I particularly follow Japanese film, but like much beyond that), because I regained the space and time to better research and choose my viewing, but I'd like to also think there's many more sites out there like this one, where less is more. I'd like to be part of one of those and be part of a team that's not inclined to cannibalise, repeat or simply just all too often only appear more worthwhile.

[James McNally]

Andrew, It makes me a bit sad to say that I agree with your current assessment of the film blogosphere, but your blog was one of the happy exceptions. In fact, your very idiosyncratic tastes are what make your blog so interesting. I've struggled as well with whether I should be reviewing the "big" films or trying to report on every bit of film-related news, but I'm happy to leave that to some other people. I'm glad your blog is about what YOU want to write about, and I'm glad it's going to stay that way.

Now, maybe I can hit you up for some career advice....

:)

[Filmbrain]

I just wanted to once again say thanks for all the comments -- I've actually been left a bit speechless by it all. It's refreshing to know that there are fellow web denizens who also wish to live snark-free existences, and can do without the aggressive competition and cries for attention.

[Sylvia Deliscia]

You are thinking about dropping out of the blogosphere because of an excess of narcissism? That is a bit like Tommy Chong whining about a contact high. This is by far the most narcissistic blog going. The topic is films, but the subject is always filmbrain. You make it sound like you were Gordon Gecko. You got fired from an entry-level wall street gig and you make yourself out to be Buddha renouncing his thrown.

[Filmbrain]

Posting a little slow over at Gawker today, Sylvia?

Fired? I was throne out!

Sincerely,

Gordon Gautama

[Zoran]

Can i get a one small pic from your site?
Thank you
Zoran