2009: Resolutions, Plans, Changes, etc.

As 2008 drew to a close, I spent some time reflecting on the many changes I've gone through -- both personal and professional -- over the past several years. A schizophrenic period (to say the least) that found me bidding a bitter farewell to corporate America and the many years I spent whoring myself in the financial sector -- a series of middle-management positions that were soul-numbing and pointless. Yes, the money was great, but my entire existence was built on a foundation of dishonesty and self-betrayal. 

Things began to change when I started the blog, and I soon found myself immersed in a world that was the antithesis of the corporate mindset. I began to meet fellow travelers, both in person and via email, several of whom have gone on to become close friends. Opportunities began to arise -- invitations to speak on panels, or contribute to symposiums, as well as offers to write elsewhere -- all of which I was immensely grateful for. Hell, if it wasn't for the blog there's no way I would have been filmed for the upcoming Synecdoche, New York DVD.

Yet in the past year or so I've felt a gradual souring in the blogosphere -- a sense of aggression and competitiveness that I hadn't felt before. It's as if there's a race to see who can churn out the first words on a particular film. The now infamous live-blogging of the Indiana Jones film from Cannes was just one of the many lowlights of 2008, and at this year's New York Film Festival press screenings I was dumbstruck by the number of people who would race to their laptops before the end credits had finished rolling.

In the world of paid blogging, things are even worse. There is incredible pressure to maximize hit counts, and the fallout of this is that many sites have adapted a quantity over quality model. There's also been a rise of faux-contrarian and/or narcissistic posts geared to generate controversy and oodles of angry comments. The end result being that it's become increasingly difficult for me to find the motivation to go on.

Thoughts of putting the blog to rest filled my head, and for a while it seemed like the wise thing to do. I kept starting posts that I'd never finish -- mostly on awful Hollywood films. I came to realize the futility in those exercises -- other than catharsis, what purpose does it serve to rail against the screenwriting crimes of Eric Roth, or Sam Mendes' homicidal act on Richard Yates masterwork? These films will continue to get made, and seen by millions. Do I really need, or want, to be just another voice amongst the throng -- writing about crap films that hundreds have already weighed in on?

A few things happened in December that changed my outlook. First, there was the debut post from friend and Benten partner Aaron Hillis over at GreenCine.com, which he has been asked to helm now that David Hudson has moved on to IFC. There are some inspiring words contained within, and it served to remind me why I started this site in the first place. The second incident occurred right before the year's end -- a handful of stimulating conversations at an old-timey Brooklyn watering hole with some of New York's finest film-folks. It was during my 3:00AM walk home in sub-zero weather that I decided to persevere, and at the same time to simplify.

Step one is to heavily prune my RSS list. The old faces and places will remain, as will some more recent discoveries, but there's a lot of fat to be trimmed. I'm also going to make a stronger effort to be more participatory, and not shy away from epic threads on other sites as I've done in the past. As for this site, I'm going to return to my roots, as it were, and make an effort to concentrate on films that aren't being done to death everywhere else. I'm going to dig deeper into the 60s and 70s, as well as pay closer attention to Asian cinema, which I've admittedly been lax about for quite some time. (The timing of today's news from the Berlinale seems fortuitous.) I'll use the Tumblr blog to post clips, posters images, and other ephemera. I'm also considering taking a stab at video essays, as I've become very inspired by the work of Kevin Lee.

Oh, and...yes, the quiz will go on.

As Emily Watson said to Adam Sandler at the end of Punch Drunk Love, "Well, here we go."

Comments

[Tom Russell]

That was a very moving post; thanks for sharing. And thanks for this blog-- it's one of the few film blogs that I actually check on a regular basis. I'm glad you're going to keep at it, and I'm looking forward to your renewed focus on 60s, 70s, and Asian film, as well as any video essays you might unleash upon the interwebs.

[Tribe]

Thank you for keeping this going. It's been a must read on my Google Reader for a few years now. But more important, thanks for not trying to keep with the snark factor. This blog has always been most refreshing.

[Fernando]

Keep it up, Filmbrain! I've journeyed through many a film-related website since I started browsing the Internet, and yours is by far my favorite. (Of course, it doesn't hurt to be named after the absolutely divine Ms. Karina, which is actually how I discovered the site in the first place, but there are plenty of other fine things that keep me coming back.) My living situation alternate between west Texas (home) and bumblefuck Wisconsin (school), two places that are not quite cultural hotbeds, so I rarely find myself in a place where serious/informed discussion of cinema, beyond the mainstream, takes place. And so to the Internet I must turn for such things, first and foremost to this blog. I really do admire the intelligence and civility in your writing, which offers cogent and measured arguments even in reference to works/directors you find lacking in merit or what-have-you. This is a bit unrelated, but I just read B.R. Myers' "review" of Denis Johnson's 'Tree of Smoke' from The Atlantic Monthly and was repulsed by his almost juvenile manner of antagonism, even though I agreed with many of his general complaints with the book. Kudos to you for striving against such poor methods of criticism, whether it be in print or online. To repeat myself, keep it up! You've got a good thing goin'.

[David Hudson]

I don't want to presume too much, but you sound reinvigorated, Andrew, and, whether intended or not, it's contagious. "Keep your bowels moving." Excellent advice from Ruth Gordon that I've tried to keep in mind for years.

[Tom Russell]

Oops; most importantly of all, I forgot to say THANKS! for blogging about those films that "aren't being done to death everywhere else". As a Michigander (the state with two meagerly-programmed arthouse theaters) I wouldn't hear about and follow up on those films if it wasn't for your site.

[Filmbrain]

Thanks, all of you, for the kind words.

I can't wait for the day when snark is passé and just plain over -- it's long been my bête noire.

[Karsten]

Dear Andrew,

My fellow commenters above have already put into words many of the thoughts I had while reading this piece, so - well said, everyone.

Strange, it seems reinvigoration (?) is happening on many continents. On one of the last days of 2008, while I was picking vegetables at my local grocer for a New Year's dinner, I had a cathartic thought on how to make 2009 something completely different. I'd been down the well to sort out many professional issues, and suddenly I got it sorted, somehow. That moment is precious; and important to keep in mind for the future. I'm sticking to mine, and one week in - it works.

So when I read what you wrote here, I recognized many of my own frustrations (same, but different). And I agree that going forward is the best way of going! Can't wait to discover more off-mainstream films on your blog in the coming year(s).

Anyway, I guess all I'm saying is... what you're doing with this blog is both unique and very communicating; I mean your balance between depth and the 'popular', is flawless. (There's a better Norwegian word here for 'popular', but I hope you get my drift.)

A salut for 2009!

[David N]

I'm generally a lurker here, but yours is one of my favourite blogs, and the news that it will continue is very welcome. Especially if you do delve deeper into the cinema of the 60s and 70s. Some of the posts where you review films from the 70s that I haven't seen have been fantastic.

[Catherine Grant]

Filmbrain lives! Hoorah! You're one of the good guys and I'm glad you're going on with it. Vive Filmbrain!

[mike]

you've opened up my eyes to a lot of films that I would have never, ever heard of (can anyone say "Oldboy"?) so for that alone I say thanks. The screen cap quizzes are just an added diversion from my work in the financial sector.

The only way I can be 100% satisfied was if you told me your previous corporate mindset came from working for an insurance company.

[Erin Donovan]

I've been having a lot of the same thoughts, albeit with fewer French phrases, the last few days and weeks.

I love reading this site and I'm glad to hear (even if its come through a period of upheaval and stress) that you're feeling invigorated. Take care, mister.

[Filmbrain]

Karsten --

I'm wondering if the global economic crisis is somehow responsible for our new perspective. I mean, had I not dropped out and off of Wall St., I'd probably be out of a job right now anyway.
As I've been telling others, I'm a lot poorer than I used to be, but happier.

I recently read a fascinating book about how the world is basically going to come to an end in 2012 (Mayan prophecy), so might as well make the most of it now, yeah?

Mike -- no, not insurance. Strictly equities, options, futures, etc.

Catherine/Erin/David - Thanks once again.

[Moviezzz]

Longtime reader / subscriber, casual commenter.

I have to say don't give up. This is one of my favorite blogs out there and I'd hate to see it go. Although I'd understand if it meant seeing more DVDs like QUIET CITY (one of the best of last year).

And about the race to be the first about certain films, I've seen that too. It has gotten rather pointless and depressing. It is also detrimental to a blog as it often dates a post more than most. I've gotten to the point that I have thought about giving up on writing about theatrical releases and instead focus on DVD and older films. If you don't write about a film opening weekend, does anyone care anymore? And it often takes longer than that to really figure out what you think of it.

Plus, with the way the theatrical landscape has changed (films in and out of theatres within a couple weeks, other films like SYNECDOCHE NEW YORK never opening outside of major cities (I'm still waiting for it)) the discussion dies out rather quickly.

[dana]

i read your blog everyday and enjoy it very much.
thanks for continuing.

[Joe Bowman]

God do I know the feeling. If I don't have any answers or advice, I sympathize (completely).

[Eric Naylor]

Definitely keep it up. It's blogs like this one that inspired me to start up my own. And although my own blog is experiencing some growing pains, it's bloggers that share your openness and lucidity that give me the confidence to find my niche. Plus, I live in Staten Island and it lacks a watering hole with film-folk. Your Synecdoche, New York review was one of the more insightful ones I've read.

[Christianne]

I'm glad to see that you're soldiering on. Ignore the competition in blogging. Speed isn't valuable. I mean, how can anyone, have a coherent opinion one way or another before the credits are over? That's just crazy.

In any event, I love reading your blog even when I disagree with you, which is great, actually. Here's to the new year.

[DW]

There are many places where you can go to read about the movie-of-the-minute, but now that we have thousands of good older films available with such ease on DVD, I’m always keen to read thoughtful writing about these older works. Glad to hear that you are going to keep the blog going. And I’m looking forward to the posts on Asian film.

I also love the quiz—particularly since you have such a talent for picking movies that I’ve seen but can’t quite name. Frustrating.

Cheers

[Kevyn Knox]

Bravo. What a great great post. I too plan on delving deeper into the lesser known (as it were) cinema and hopefully be able to carve out my own little niche in the world of cinema writing. Best of luck in yr endeavors and keep up the great great work you are already doing here.

[verninino]

Andrew,

I've been reading intermittently for years. I was a regular commenter at Cinemarati (which has been dead for years -- streamline your links young man) and a lot of discriminating folks there held you in very high regard. I've kind of lapsed in keeping up with almost all their sites, and yet I'm still checking in with you. It's quite inspiring that you quit being a corporate cog and yet continue this labor of love without a lot of regard for trendiness.

Thanks and keep on trucking.

vern